Don't you find this post weird? I find it weird because after a long time, maybe three months or so, I haven't been writing anything on this blog.
Have you noticed that this blog has been neglected? There were too many social networking sites around the internet. Facebook. Plurk. Multiply. Tumblr. There were many networking sites that you could put in your thoughts so conveniently... that we forget to write them in our own blogs.
There were so many pictures that could paint a thousand words, there were so many 'status' areas where we could conveniently post what we feel at the moment... very vaguely, and then change it again when we feel like changing it. There are many ways to post your ideas here in the internet that we forget to actually... write.
Right now, I feel sad for the words that had slipped this blog. I feel sad for the mountain of words that should have been written but I have let them pass away. Passing my mind, blurring in my mind, fading... and then fading more and more until I have already forgotten them.
There have been many moments in my life that I have forgotten to write about. I think I just let those moments and those feelings away.
When was the last time that I wrote a blog? I think it's last year. Maybe I have written a blog entry, but saved it as draft, and eventually deleted it.
I did not write about my Senior Prom, my Recognition Rites, my last day in school, my Graduation Ceremony, my Graduation Ball... All of them. I have forgotten.
Yes, there are so many pictures but pictures cannot always speak alone. Pictures may paint a thousand words but a thousand words may not be enough. Pictures may capture the moment but pictures cannot always reveal your true feelings when you were there at that special moment. You need words. Words may be on your mind, you may opt to tell other people your feelings, your story, but if you don't write them, those words could actually fade away into dust.
I feel that I have lost my voice. I feel that I have lost my voice because I have lost the courage to speak to this blog about my true feelings and ideas at the moment. I have become "The Bashful One" because I cannot write my words... only think of them.
Do you want to know the story about why I stopped blogging? About why I lost my voice?
In the past months, something big happened and it changed my life. I can't really tell if it changed me in a good way or a bad way or if it is a good or bad thing.. But it changed me. This event that I consider as something big caused such grave emotions that I can't contain but I can't let out. I can't even talk about it.
It's like being very angry but you can't shout. It's like wanting to cry but you can't cry. It's like needing help, but you can't shout out for help. It's like falling in love, but you can't.
It's like wanting to shout your ideas out loud, but you suddenly lost your voice.
.....
The reason why I am writing again because I want to regain my voice that I have lost for some time. I think this voice must be heard, these ideas must be written. I don't want my emotions to be bottled up inside, and I don't want to lose my words again.
And by the way, I was inspired by my Eng10 class on the first day of college. I remembered that I have so many words to be written... I want to write them again.
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lovelovelove,eLise.
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