Maybe It Was Not Love After All: Signs and Symptoms of PEKENG LOVE

I thought I was already in love when I happened to stop by and read a book entitled "Lovestruck: Love Mo Siya, Sure Ka na Ba?" by Ronald Molmisa. This book tackles a lot about being "in love" and tackles tips and situations. Sobrang nakakatawa basahin itong librong ito dahil light lang ang pagkakasulat at napaka-moderno ngunit tama naman at may lalim ang kanyang ikinukwento dahil kumukuha siya ng mga verses sa bible para suportahan ang kanyang mga argumento.

Akala ko talaga, in love na in love na ako at na in love kami kahit dati sa isa't isa. Ngunit dahil sa librong ito, naisip ko na.. Ay. Hindi pala talaga ata. Naisip ko lang, na minsan, akala natin yun na! Yun na talaga! Ang sarap ng feeling, heaven, para kang lumulutang everytime na kasama mo siya ang saya saya mo na. Tas kahit nag-aaway kayo, nagbabati kayo kasi mahal niyo daw ang isa't isa so akala mo yun na talaga yun! Pero hindi. Hindi, pare. Hindi talaga.

What most people mistakenly view as love might be just an infatuation. In our case, I think it was just infatuation. Infatuation is way too different from real true love. "Infatuation is an intense, short-lived and irrational passion for somebody." (Molmisa, 2010). Sa librong ito, tinalakay ni Ronald Molmisa kung ano ang 'pekeng love'.

Ang Symptoms ng Pekeng Love.

Symptom #1: the AXE effect. Yung tipong amoy palang, tingin palang, eh patay na patay ka na. Kadalasan kasi ang infatuation nakatuon sa physical characteristics or traits. Well, hindi naman ako taong mahilig sa pisikal na whatever, pero, still. Ang axe effect, hindi iyon true love (TL).

Symptom #2: Kisapmata Complex! Ito raw ay yung grabe, napakatinding spark sa una, pero magtagal tagal lang ng onti ay wala na, ayawan na agad. Kapag hindi na nag-eenjoy, wala nang interes. At ito talaga ang napansin kong nangyayari sa most couples eh. Grabe, heaven na heaven kayo sa start at akala niyo kayo na talaga. Pero wala, after ilang months, kilalang kilala niyo na ang isa't isa, nagkakasawaan na, di na nag-eenjoy, ayawan na. Love ba yun, umaayaw nalang sa di maintindihang dahilan? Pare, hindi. Wag mo nang lokohin ang sarili mo at wag ka nang maghabol pa, dahil sinasabi ko sayo hindi love yan.

Symptom#3: The Crazy for You Syndrome
Ito talaga ang number one sign ng INFATUATION para sa akin. Alam mo yung feeling na disorganized ka, distracted, ineffective, at sabog?! Alam mo yun? Nakakabaliw kasi ang pag-ibig no? Pero gurl, hindi. Love isn't about making both of you distracted and ineffective, love is about making you both better. Kung nasisira na ang buhay mo dahil sa pag-ibig na yan, iha, hindi yan pag-ibig. Tama na. Hindi ginawa ang pag-ibig para sirain ang buhay mo. Infatuation lang kasi yan, kasi ang infatuation, tipong siya na lang. Siya nalang ang nasa isip mo at lahat lahat, sige, basta masaya ka. Pero hindi talaga.

Symptom#4: Just the two of us feeling
Usually kapag infatuated ang dalawang couples, sila na lang ang laging magkasama. Halos mga kambal nang hindi mapaghiwalay at dinikit na ng matinding mighty bond at epoxy ang dalawang infatuated people. Mas nakakairita pa kung sa harap mo ay todo lambing todo hug at kiss as in nakakasuka. Mahiya naman kayo. Sa iba walang pakialam kung sobrang PDA na sila, kasi daw, nagmamahalan naman sila, and "we don't care about the world." Pero excuse me lang ha, kahit naman lovers kayo may ibang tao sa paligid niyo, medyo alalahanin niyo naman na may mga batang nasusuka na dahil kadiri kayo. Or, alalahanin niyo din naman na may iba pa kayong friends na ineetsapwera niyo na kasi.. "Nothing matters more than the two of us." Hay haru jusko, escuse me lang sainyo ha.

Symptom#5: The Need You Here Sickness
Yung tipong... "kailangan kita sa bawat araw sa bawat minuto sa bawat sandali.." Girl, ano ka ba! Wala ka bang sariling kamay o paa? Bakit lagi mo nalang kailangan yung partner mo? Dapat hindi. Matuto maging independent, at hayaang maging independent ang partner. Kapag tipong "I need you here" ang drama niyong dalawa, naku, self centered infatuation lang talaga yan. Self-centered. Naisip mo bang kailangan ding maligo, kumain at kung ano man ng partner mo? Isa pa sa sickness na ito, ay onting distansya lang ay nawawala na agad ang feelings. Ang tunay na pag-ibig, mga iho at iha, ay hindi kayang patayin ng distansya at ng oras. Kahit na ilang taon pa man kayong di magkita, kung tunay kayong nagmamahalan, kayo pa rin ang nagmamahalan. At dito naman ako tunay na naniniwala.

Symptom#6: "Lovers" Quarrel or "Kung Ayaw mo, Huwag mo" attitude
Okay lang naman na paminsan minsan nag-aaway ang mga lovers, sa tingin ko nakakatulong din naman yan para mas mapatibay ang relasyon niyong dalawa... As long as. Napag-uusapan niyo ng matino at nareresolve ang conflict. Madalas kasi sa infatuation, merong "kung ayaw mo, huwag mo" attitude, yung tipong "ako muna bago ikaw" o "bakit ako magsosorry hindi naman ako ang nagkamali?" na attitude. Napaka-self centered. Pero minsan nareresolve nalang kasi may magpapakumbaba at mag sosorry nalang tas papatawarin nalang, pero di naman talaga nag-usap at naresolve ang conflict. kaya tuloy sa bawat pag-aaway eh nagagasgasan ang relasyon. Masyado kasing Self Centered. Ako, ako ako. Nasaktan ako. Napaiyak mo ako. Nahihirapan ako. Puro nalang ako, eh yung feelings ba niya iniisip mo? Isip isip muna bago salita.

Symptom#7: Akin ka lang attitude
Madalas sa mga lovers usong uso ang linyang "I am yours, you are mine" at "Akin ka nalang.." Akin akin akin. Inaangkin mo na yung partner mo, e sayo na nga ba yan? Tipong may madikit lang na babae o na lalaki sa partner mo eh magseselos ka na. Mag-hi lang sa magandang chicks o sa hottie na guy ay lalakas na yung kapit mo sa kanya at titingnan mo na ng masama. Wala ka bang tiwala? Masyadong nagseselos at possesive. Gusto mo lahat ng atensyon sayo, kaya maski acads o pamilya niya ay pinagseselosan mo. Lumugar ka naman. Yang akin ka nalang attitude ay hindi TL. Sarili mo ang iniisip mo at hindi siya.

Napansin niyo ba kung ano talaga ang pagkakaiba ng TL at Pekeng Love? Ang Pekeng Love o PL, minsan pwede ring Pisikal na Landian, ay napaka-SELF CENTERED. Ako ako ako. Lagi nalang ako. Lagi nalang "ako" ang nasa utak. Sariling kagustuhan, kaligayahan, lahat puro sarili. Pero hindi iyan ang tunay na pagmamahal. Ang tunay na pagmamahal ay iniisip ang iba bago ang sarili. Ang ikabubuti ng iba bago ang sarili.  Nagtatagal at tunay na may care. Hindi yung, mahal kita ngayon, bukas hindi na.

Mga friends, sa totoo lang, wala naman daw talagang tunay na commitment sa relationships hanggat sa hindi pa kayo ikinakasal o engaged. Kaya kung ako sainyo, bakit pa ako makikipag-relationship o boyfriend ngayon eh hindi namn talaga ako sigurado na totoo na yan, na may commitment na yan? Sa tingin ko, wag na muna, para di ako mabiktima ng pekeng love at masugatan pa. Hihintayin ko nalang yung oras at tao na siya na, as in siya na talaga.

Pero para naman sa mga naghahanap, wag nang hanapin si Mr/Ms Right, wag nang hanapin ang right girl, be the right guy. Or wag nang hanapin ang right guy, be the right girl. And how could you be the right girl? Marami pang tanong sa isip niyo? Watch out for my next blog.

Tandaan:

"Love is one of the most abused terms. Some people say it without meaning it and not even knowing if its true."

Mag-ingat ingat lang tayo sa mga matatamis na "I love you." Kasi friend, mahal ka niya. SIGURADO KA BA?

Basahin mo na kasi ang libro ni Ronald Molmisa kung interesado ka. :))
"Lovestruck: Love Mo Siya, Sure ka na Ba?" by Ronald Molmisa, 2010.

♥♥♥

lovelovelove, eLise.

♥♥♥

Debut Options

2.5 months nalang, debut ko na. Mahal actually magdebut talaga, so kailangan kong idecide kung ano ba talaga ang gusto ko.

1. Medyo formal Debut at the Village Patio (with a lot of people)
venue - 8,000
lights sounds - 6000
food - 40,000 at least?

total - around 55,000 (?) at least. o_O
in 4-6 hours. it's all gone.
pero andun lahat ng relatives at maraming friends. at makakapagpresent perform sing and dance. kaso di mo makakasalamuha yung mga tao masyado.

2. Karaoke party @ Music 21
package for 30 people - 9,900
pero, sino yung 30 people? shocks mahirap to. o_O

makakapagsuot din naman ako ng dress diyan, makakapag kantahan kami, pero di naman lahat kumakanta, tsaka baka hindi rin lahat makakanta in 4 hours? :p pero, okay lang naman siguro. may food naman. and we shall have fun.

3. Swimming party
number of people - 30 ?
magkano, kailan at saan?!
monday kasi birthday ko diba. so may cwts yung iba. tas di rin naman lahat trip mag swimming, kasi ayaw mag swimsuit. I don't know. Ano kayanga maganda. :| Tas di ako makakasuot ng dress, mag2 pc ako nakakahiya :))

Option number 4.

Either 2 or 3 + DSLR. Woooohooooo! :D Please please please ;)

♥♥♥

lovelovelove, eLise.

♥♥♥

My brother's special request: Oreo Chocolate Cake

Birthday na kasi ng kapatid ko sa May 30. Dahil birthday na niya, maghahanda ako ng food para sa kanya. Nagrerequest siya ng cake sa akin.

And so para makita niyo yung sinasabi ng kapatid ko na oreo cake, chocolate cake lang talaga yun na may white frosting na nilagyan ko ng oreo or cream o as design/topping.

More on my brother's menu... Siguro: Oreo cake, baked macaroni/spaghetti, barbeque, chicken lollipop, and some seafood like hipon in oyster sauce plus adobong pusit kung kaya. Okay guys, so this is why I'm excited about my brothers' birthdays. I get to cook and eat. :)

YUMYUMYUMYUM <3

♥♥♥

lovelovelove, eLise.

♥♥♥

Heart to Heart Talk

In the past, I have been terribly frustrated and a lot of weird things have been playing in my head. I was stressed, frustrated, pressured, and I really did not know what to do. There was a lot of things that were playing in my head, keeping me out of focus. I had a lot of secrets that I couldn't tell anyone. I kept my feelings secret.

One of my wishes was that I could talk to my parents, and tell them how I truly feel. Straightforward, no secrets. I wanted to talk to them so that I wouldn't keep any grudges and so that they would know how I truly feel and listen to my frustrations. However, even though we were so close, I couldn't tell them these frustrations, these hidden feelings. I felt that we were so close, yet so far. I closed my own self because of these hidden secrets.

When I went to the Youth For Christ camp, I asked myself who is Jesus Christ for me. For me, Jesus is like my family and friends. Jesus is like my parents. Then I realized that like Jesus, my parents is always there for us no matter what. My parents is always there, knocking on my door, waiting for me to open it. I realized that, whatever I've done wrong, my parents will always love me and forgive me for what I've done...

And so I wrote a letter to my parents. I had a chance to talk to them. They gave me letters too. This time, I gained all the strength to tell them straightforwardly how I truly felt.

I gave them my letter, they gave me their letters too. While we were reading the letters, we all cried and smiled. I told them in my letter that I was sorry for keeping secrets and for everything. I told them that I forgot that they were supposed to be my best friends.

When we talked, I told them that at times I become frustrated. I become frustrated and pressured. At times I wondered why I can't do things I wanted, like scuba diving this summer, camping, and many things they were against. I understood that they were worried about me but I was just asking for their trust, independence and freedom (not absolute, of course). They told me that they trusted me, they were just too worried.

I told them the truth. I told them the truth about this guy. Yeah, and there's no point in hiding now because my parents already knew. I told them that even though the guy and me wasn't "in a relationship" there was still something special between us. And true enough, I told them that I loved this guy. However, now, we aren't together. I guess, its gone. I guess we needed personal time and space for ourselves, I don't know. Let's leave it at that. I told my parents that at some point the guy told me that he doesn't want to be with me if my parents doesn't want it, if we aren't free. I guess, its because it makes things harder: the way we keep things hidden because my parents would be angry when he would walk me home or when they see us together somewhere or when he would give me something. Maybe we aren't ready yet. Maybe. I don't know, I didn't blame the guy or myself for this. I'm not mad at him. I still consider him as a good friend.

My mom cried harder when I told her these. She asked me, if I was hurt. I told her, maybe I was, it was sad, but I accepted it, I was not bitter and because of God, I think I'm okay now. And then she told me this again: "I just didn't want you to be into relationships because I didn't want you to get hurt. I've been there, and I know how it hurts." I remembered that she told me this from the start, and I guess she was right. I mean, her worries were just right. And then, she told me this: "I'm sorry if you broke up because of us, I didn't want you to be hurt because of us, I don't want you to be mad at us."

We were all crying. Then my dad told me, "I just didn't want you to be into serious relationships because its hard." I realized what he meant by that... I realized why he didn't want me to become seriously and crazily in love.. But I still told them, "Why? I wouldn't be pregnant. Can't you trust me?" Then my mom said, "I trust you. It doesn't mean that we think that you'd get pregnant. Its just that, there are to many risks."

I was getting frustrated. My dad told me, "If you really love the person, anak, we can't do anything to stop you, we'll let you and forgive you even if you rebel against us..."

But I didn't want to. I didn't want to hurt them. They're still the people I love the most. They're my parents. I didn't want to hurt them...

And then, my dad told me again, "You know, anak, if the guy really loves you, and if you're really meant for each other, he will come back. Sabi nga nila, kung mahal mo ang isang tao, pakawalan mo, hayaan mo, hayaan mong mag-grow. Parang ibon lang yan, babalik at babalik lang din yan sayo. If you are really meant for each other, God will make a way."

Actually, I already thought about these. Its just that it feels good to hear these words from your parents. I already knew that you must let a person go, and that if you're really meant for each other, God will make a way. That's why, I let him go with an open heart. I was not angry, I wasn't bitter. I was just hoping for the best.

What keeps me strong these days is the thought that God and Jesus is there for us no matter what. Whatever happens, Jesus is there for us. God has a plan for us. However, even though he has a plan for us, he still gives us a choice. I just hope that I am making the right choices along the way, and may God lead me to where I should be.

I also realized that I became far to them because I was afraid of my sins. If we are burdened by sin, let us admit the sin with all honesty and humility. No more lies, no excuses. Let us hate the sin, not the sinner and let us admit the sin in the eyes of God. Let us forgive the sinners, and let us forgive ourselves... Its important that we forgive ourselves. Its okay to do something wrong, as long as you learn from it and you repent.

I just realized that in times of problems, let us not close our hearts to people who want to help us. Let us not close our doors to our parents, friends, who are just there knocking at our doors, calling us, offering help. In the end, our parents are still our best friends. They are just there whatever happens, waiting for us to open our hearts to them.

Let us open our hearts, guys. Let us open our hearts and do not close our doors to our friends and families. Let us open our hearts and let Jesus come into our lives. :) <3

♥♥♥

lovelovelove, eLise.

♥♥♥