Now You're Back Again.

"And now you're back from outer space. I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face."

-- I Will Survive, Gloria Gayner

It took me so long to forget those but it took you a minute to type those words and put them back in my mind again.

I hate this feeling. It took me so long to forget those awful memories... or maybe not so awful. I wasn't able to talk to you for so long just to forget those bitterness and painful memories I have of you. It took me so long not to talk just to be able to bid you a nice goodbye. I wanted to give you a happy goodbye. I didn't want to be sad. I avoided to talk about the silly past. I avoided it. I thought I was able to forget about it, I thought I was able to move on.

But well, no. You came from outer space and talked to me once more. I wanted to talk to you. But you wanted to talk about silly things from the past, things that I might miss because you're gone. And so I remembered our past, our memories. And from my very honest heart, I admitted. I couldn't say no when I really missed them.. I really missed those things... But not all. I missed those "stuff that I missed", but only those. You might have wondered if I missed more? Sorry, but I do not miss those. Its too painful to remember those. I have said my piece. Lets stop talking about that crap.

Now, I still want to ask you. I still want to ask you why you did those. Still, you tell me nothing. Still you tell me that there is no reason. Honestly, I would rather accept that you did those because you wanted to, rather than telling me that there is really no reason. I feel like a worthless toy for a person with no heart. I feel like I'm just there when you want me, but if you don't need me you just throw me away. You don't even care.

So what am I now? Just your toy? Even a toy deserves to be loved.

If you're not going to tell me anything, if you're just going to play with me, go on and go. Go without even saying goodbye.

At least, without you, I should be at peace...

But thinking back, I am not at peace without you. I realized that I'm sad that you went away. But maybe, I am sad because there is no proper goodbyes.

I really have one wish right now.

I really want to understand... Understand why... understand you.

But I guess I really can't.

--------------------

This blog is not necessarily real. This might just be fictional. Maybe these just came from my imagination. I just want to write these words down... or type.. :p

♥♥♥

lovelovelove,eLise.

♥♥♥